Spring Cleaning Should Only Be Done in Spring time!

It was Summer.  The ceiling fan was rotating anti clockwise, deceivingly spinning at top speed as I noticed that the debris that the blades had caught over a period of time has made it moved slower than it should be, (and for a second it looked like life as it is, moving in slow motion or just maybe I'm stoned and high on acid) giving a false sense of cool air coming down equivalent to the false promises that men usually made.  

Most women would say, it's obvious that you haven't been doing your house chores that causes your ceiling fan to collect dust as thick as your skull. Right, you may have a point there. But may I remind you little miss "sterile", it isn't called Spring Cleaning for nothing. It should be done once, in Spring! & just to appreciate the moment, why don't we all dress in maid costume like Freddy Mercury and sing kumbaya.  I know, what the.....

So, why is it so hard to get men to clean their apartment or help you out with the clean up? Well, the truth is, it's not that men doesn't want to help out with the clean up.  It's just that why bother when it's gonna last you just a while and things will get back to normal again. Like what Tony Stark said "I prefer the weapon you only have to fire once. That's how Dad did it, that's how America does it" so let's collect as much dirt as we can and shove it all under the carpet. I know, what the... 

Ok, ok, Even if we did do it, at the end, we will never pass the white glove test and it will only end up in another meaningless fight.  

So bottom line is: Men are just lazy bumps. Can we please not argue. It's our given rights.

Cooking: It's a Wo"Men's" world

It's was a rainy December morning... Owh screw this, why do people always have to start with describing the weather. Right, I know that it has been a while since my last entry, what can I say, a man got to do what a man got to do, which is... I'll give you a clue, it starts with the letter F and ends with G... FishinG doinks! ;)

So the other day, I was lazying around and watching television (Samsung 42 inch flatscreen LCD TV to be precise R R Rrrr...), after flicking through the TV channels, I always ended up watching cooking shows. It made me think for a moment. Weird isn't it, most of us associated kitchen with women but in fact most of the top chefs in the world are Men! I know, i know, the irony. Calm down, calm down...

The word "Chef" is borrowed (and shortened) from the French word for chef de cuisine or the director or head of a kitchen. In short, chef is someone who cooks professionally and get paid regardless of ranks.  Fact: So does this mean that men demand to be paid for everything that they do? Oh my God! Yes! *Clearing throat* let me quote from the infamous villain, The Joker! "If you're good at something, never do it for free"   I know, what the.... 

So does this mean I can ask my guy to cook instead? You sneaky little thing! You thought of everything didn't you? But NO! I've read somewhere on the net (so it has to be true!) that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!  But if you're willing to take him out for a fancy $7:50 sub of the day then he'll be a happy man!

So bottom line is: Cooking, it's a Wo"Men's" world.

Men are grease monkeys!

Yesterday, feeling mundane, I've decided to head up north to break the curse of the 5 viscous circles (mtwtf).  Early morning after taking the only shower for the day, I headed out of my house and cranked up the car's engine. A man with a mission, three agendas were on my head: picking up Jessica, breakfast and don't be late! (note to self: Important!).  As the engine was warming up, (this usually takes up about 5 - 10 minutes) I tried to find something to occupy my time, my phone!  As I was busy playing games with my fumbling hands, suddenly, a red blinking light appeared on the mileage meter, signaling that the car had reached the standard oil change interval. So I'm guessing it's off to the workshop then (note to self: this is way beyond Important!).  

So first, I picked Jessie up and we stopped by a drive-thru and ordered some breakfast set cause we've decided to have our meal at the workshop while waiting for the mechanics to work on the car.  As we arrived at the workshop, we found a place where we can enjoy our breakfast.  After a few bites, I said to Jessy, "wait here, I'll come back, need to check on the car".  So there I was, just stood there and watching as the mechanic operates on the car and finally pouring the kryptonite colored liquid down the belly of the beast (I swear to God I almost had an orgasm watching this!) After 45 minutes, the mechanic slams the hood of the car which marks that the beast is finally ready to roam! Rrrr rrr RRRrrrrr.....

As we were driving, I can almost visualized the precision of the mechanical parts moving and working with each other to produce a smooth sound of the engine roar leaving me with sheer pleasure and ecstasy.  God is in its heaven now.  However, this lasted only about 3 minutes when Jessie suddenly asked me, “What are you smiling about silly?  Let me ask you something, why is it that man can bear almost an hour staring at a mechanic doing the car but can’t even bear 5 minutes with me at a shoe store?” Somehow I knew this question was coming. 

So is it true that men can tolerate things they like and not the things their opposite sex like?  My answer is: Drop dead True! We can tolerate a lot of things but please I beg of you don't force us to go into a bag, shoe or a lingerie store! As William Barclay would say "A man may well be condemned, not for doing something, but for doing nothing." 

So should I force my man to tolerate me with the things i like? Ladies, you're killing us...It's cruel enought to ask a man to stand beside you while you do your pick and chose but it is almost suicide to hear a woman asking for an honest opinion whether to go with 3" or a 4" stelleto! Did I mention that all black shoes are the same with men before? But why? Men doesn't want to be in a place where he's doesn't know sh*t!  Why do you need men in the first place for that sort of things? By chosing any answers would only lead to a disasterous fight or arguement, so why bother?

So, bottom line is: Men can tolerate anything but to go in a retail store!

Men's shirt always smells good, not them!

It was 5:30 a.m. when the alarm went off (like any other day).  Rubbing my eyes and scratching few parts of my body (do I really need to be specific?), the thought of snoozing and going back to sleep was so enticing.  But that thought was short lived as it was immediately interrupted by my alter ego who took me by the throat and drag me out of bed! (you fiend!)

Clumsily and drowsily I managed to find my way to the bathroom.  As reality finally hits me, I came across three things on my semi white sink bowl vessel - my tooth brush, toothpaste and a shaver. I said to myself, gosh men are such magnificent creatures.  We only need these three things to look good! (I read somewhere on the net that women has more than 143 toiletries items in the bathroom? It's from the net so it has to be true!)

So here I was pondering (I know, a scary thought and can you guess where I normally do this? *wink!) one thought was at the back of my head.  It was a question asked by one of my good female friend, "why is it so hard for men to take bath more than once a day?!"  Another quality question posted by the female species.  Next, after a quick shower (normally few seconds after the cold water hits you on the face, that's when the REAL reality hits you!) comes the wardrobe, then I realized that it must be Friday as there were no more ironed office wear hung in the closet.

So, is it true that men hate to take shower?  My answer is: OMG Yes! Taking shower more than 7 times a week can be considered as outragious!  This is how mother nature gets destroyed in the first place!  But why?! Well, the idea of having to shower, covering the entire area of our epidermis with soap and brushing our teeth is already too much of a work! Let alone applying shampoo and conditioner to our hair. And no, real musky men don't use facial foam, we use soap!  

So should I ask my man to take bath more often? For God's sake NO! This action will only violates the Geneva Convetion that clearly states "protected persons are entitled, in all circumstances, to respect for their persons, their honour, their family rights, their religious convictions and practices, and their manners and customs.  They shall at all times be humanely treated, and shall be protected especially against all acts of violence or threats thereof and against insults and public curiosity"   I know, what the...

So ladies, just be grateful that at least men shower.  I read somewhere on the net that there was this couple who got divorced because the husband has refused to take his bath since the day they got married! 7 times per week isn't that bad right?  I know, what the...

So bottom line is yes! Men hate to shower!

Why I oughta smack you on the face!

Okay! I've received a couple of interesting requests from some of my girl-friends on my Twitter on what to write for my first topic.  As usual, when you ask women "what is it about men that you don't understand? or you don't like?", it's just like giving the chainsaw to an escaped psychotic convict, serving it on a silver platter, saying "here! please go postal! I insist!" Within seconds my in-box was swarmed with tons of suggestions.  Women are so efficient.

I promise I will do them all in due time.  So, for this entry, I will attempt to explain "why do men stare at other women even though they're in love with you".  Right! Good question.  Why stare? Isn't that just plain rude?  Before I answer that, let me just turn your attention to a song made famous by U2.  In the song "Lemon" the lyrics says "a man likes to stare, there's no sleeping there, he turns his money into light, she's imagination, to look for her Lemon".  I know, what the...  But before you say anything further, actually what Bono means in his lyrics is that he is capturing the world as he sees it and the woman that he is staring is in fact his mother wearing a lemon dress (according to a user in some forum I googled so it has to be true).  Yes I know..."what the..."

Fact: OMG Yes! Men likes to stare at other women! Well, some of whom I know do and they do it even though they are with their counterparts!  But why?! why?! Many reasons.  Reasons like "she looks like someone from high school", "OMG I swear it's Paris Hilton!" quickly comes into mind (blame the front lobe of the right side brain for this). But before you throw that Piña colada at your man, let me ask you something...Don't women stare at other men too?  You might hear them say, "Yes I do stare at other men (while giggling) but I quickly stop staring before he sees me".  Fine, but still, that doesn't change the fact that she did stare.  So why the fuss?  Simple, it's jealousy! Women simply can't tolerate men staring at other women let alone comparing them with the *women passing by (*I was so tempted to use the word tramp but hesitated, but what do you women call the other women that you don't like? Oh yeah, b*tch!)  

Is he comparing me with her? For God's sake NO! Some of the men that stare doesn't do comparison! It's just something we men do for fun... It's a guy thing... Seriously can you resist when a woman pass you by wearing like her wardrobe has just been attacked by a swarm of killer moths? Or ladies, could you resist watching an Edward Cullin look alike passes you by? 

Ladies, you shouldn't be scared if your men are staring other women.   What's there to be scared of?  It's not like he is going to get her number or anything.  At least he is decent enough to do it in front of you.  In fact, you should be even scared if he starts checking out other guys!  Now the first option doesn't sound so bad now does it? However, I simply agree and do not deny that it is impolite to stare when you are in the presence of your other half.  So guys, behave (whiplash sound effect!)

 

So bottom line is, men likes to stare!